I An Absolute Masterclass in How to Ruin a Child's Birthday writing this review with a sense…
I am writing this review with a sense of profound disappointment that is rare for me. Our experience at this establishment was not merely bad; it was a catastrophic failure of service, timing, and basic hospitality that single-handedly ruined my granddaughters 13th birthday dinner.
We had the foresight to book a tables well in advance for a 5pm seating, hoping for a relaxed, celebratory meal. What we received was an exercise in frustration that would test the patience of a saint.
Let's start with the timeline, because it's the centerpiece of this fiasco. We arrived promptly at 5pm. Our starters did not arrive until 6:15 PM. Let that sink in. One hour and fifteen minutes for a simple appetizer, with a hungry and increasingly irritated children at the table. This is not fine dining; this is neglect.
When the food finally arrived, it was a comedy of errors. We had chosen our meals in advance from menu, expecting our courses to be served together. Instead, we were served at wildly different times, turning a family celebration into an un=organised event. There is nothing celebratory about watching your family eat while you stare at an empty placemat. Orders were missed or just not filled.
The staff, to put it bluntly, were utterly untrained. We witnessed servers stretching across the table, reaching over seated guests and their food, as if our plates were mere obstacles in their path. Basic etiquette, like serving from the side, was clearly a foreign concept. To add insult to injury, a plate was brazenly removed while one of our party had gone to the rest room. However, the plate was still full and staff didn’t enquire before removing plate or offer to reimburse.
The message was clear: "Hurry up, you're an inconvenience."
But the pinnacle of their audacity came after the main course. Having already wasted over an hour of our time with their glacial pace, they had the unmitigated nerve to approach our table and inform us that we had "fifteen minutes to finish" because they needed the table. The sheer arrogance of creating a massive delay and then penalising us for it is a level of incompetence I did not think possible.
To top it all when the guest whose food had been removed complained and said they wouldn’t pay for the meal they removed, they then became racially abusive and blocking the door with children stock between doors. The police was called, when the said waitress suddenly had an injured arm. So we suggested the police take a look at the cctv. We waited and waited, but some how they suddenly could not retrieve video.
We did not stay for dessert. We will not be returning. What should have been a cherished memory for my child's 13th birthday is now a family story about "that time we went to the worst restaurant ever."
Save your money, save your time, and, most importantly, save your special occasions. This place is a black hole of disappointment where good moods and celebrations go to die.
Kaifangs 71 Burnt Ash Ln, Bromley BR1 5AA
29 november 2025
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